Struggles

About a year ago I had a great awakening.  You see...for the previous three to four years I had realized that I was living my life completely for my family.  Now you may think this quite a noble deed.  And in and of itself it is.  But as a Christian, it is sin if we are putting this before God.  I was very much caught up in providing financially for my family, working on my next promotion, increasing our security.  Also I was very good about giving my family much if not all of my free time.  From the outside it seemed like I was doing my family duties.
 
However, it was through going to a conference with my friend, Myron,  that flipped my thinking around.  It was not something that happened all in that one moment, but it surely got the hard stuck ball rolling.  Myron  received a call from a friend from the men's group that he led.  The friend was reaching out to Myron over a serious issue in his marriage.  As I listened to his story of how involved he was in other guy's lives, it really convicted me of a few things.  These are the things I want to share with you.

The first thing that I was convicted of was that I was not using the talents in my life the way God intended them.  For the past four years, I was giving my all to my family and no one else.  Granted, I was great loving my family and sacrificing for them, working hard for them.  However, I tricked myself into believing I was being a great leader of my family, I was falling extremely short.  I was not the man God made me to be.  I'm certain that this challenge will be life long, which is fine by me, but if I am stagnant, I am not just being lazy, but I am actually sinning. 


God gave me the gift of leadership and discernment.  Those two things together can be very powerful in other people's lives.  As a high school student, I took leadership very seriously.  I was captain of two of my sports teams junior and senior year.  I was vice president of two campus clubs.  I always was the first to volunteer to help anyone in need.  At senior awards night, I received the second most awards of my graduating class, mostly because of my leadership.  I had a heart and a talent to help people see the best in them.  Well...I guess that was fleeting because in my college years all I could think about was myself and my desires.  I made very poor choices that affected a lot of people.  As I matured, however, and got married and started to have kids, the focus shifted fully to my family.  I now was totally opposite of what I had been just a couple years prior.  So from high school, through college, and now to adulthood, I was constantly changing.


I believe the most dangerous part of this process had been the first few years of marriage and fatherhood.  It is when I was clouded by the achievements of doing something noble and good for my family that I had forgotten the path God had for my life.  It was easy to know I wasn't following God's plan for my life when I was a selfish jerk.  But when I was a mostly selfless husband and father, it was much harder to see.  It's like in C.S. Lewis' book The Screwtape Letters.  The goal for the demon, Wormwood, was to distract people from serving their ultimate purpose.  That is a huge way the devil wages war on us.  Gets us to thinking that we are living life right.  When in fact, it can be quite the opposite.


Realizing this is what first led me to join the men's group at Sandals Church.  I started to see that through my walk with God, and with my leadership skills, I had something to offer other people.  Most of the time, men (traditionally) are supposed to be strong, and fix anything.  We are not to rely on other people to help us with our families or jobs or struggles.  I thought that my life was okay, and that I had something to offer these guys.  It turned out quite the opposite.  The group made me realize that I had a problem with being real about my life and struggles.  These men were so open about their lives, it was something I had never seen from any group of men.  Through my months with sharing and growing with these men, God showed me I can now start to be the real leader He has called me to.


An important part of being a leader is being the most humble.  This, at times, can be one of the biggest struggles for me.  When I am able to share deep things about myself, things that can be extremely embarrassing or major weaknesses about myself, it is only then that others can feel comfortable to start trusting.  This is the way Matt Brown has led by example in our church.  Every one has sin in their lives, everyone has weaknesses.  I realized it was time to get over trying to show my strength and rely on God for His strength.  I realized by sacrificing some time away from my family to further God's kingdom through the talents God has given me, that I can be such a better husband to my wife, and father to my kids.  It is a investment that I can guarantee will produce great dividends.


So my challenge to all those that read this is to take time to reflect on your life and the talents God has given you. My good friend Mike always reminds me that we are supposed to be WARRIORS FOR CHRIST. I pray you do not let more time go by because you are unwilling to break out of your daily habits.  Whether they are noble reasons or not, allow God to show you where your time is best invested, in your kingdom or His.




Thank you for reading, any feedback is greatly appreciated.  I hope the comments can be a dialog back and forth.