The last couple months have opened quite the hunger inside of me. No it hasn't been the hunger of more money, or more things, but of more conviction in my life. I guess it started a couple years ago, slowly, and now has build up increasing pressure that can no longer hold. The flood gates have opened. It started with self-reflection of my heart and later my head. This hunger has driven me to seek out my fuel, and where I find that is in honesty.
Looking back I fear that what was holding me back was honesty. As I write this I am having this revelation that it was in fact honesty. As a novice writer, delving into my heart by way of keyboard, God has shown me one of my true, darkest problems. I fear complete honesty with everyone around.
For years I thought my problems were more centered around lust and anger. Now I see that the solution to the problem has to deal with people seeing the real me. I've never strived to be portrayed as the perfect husband, or perfect Christian, or even the perfect dad. I wanted to be perceived towards the more positive scope, maybe in the top 10 percentile, but never perfect. I think often there are those people in our lives that we do think of being near perfection in one area of their lives or another. However, as I have learned about myself is how I can now see in others. We are all broken, we are all weak.
Accepting this truth is one of our duties, but moving past that is just as critical. God never meant for us to do life alone or to fake our strengths by just getting by. We are supposed to be in community and reveal our weaknesses to each other. This has been my goal for the past couple month, and God has provided a community in which to do that. I encourage you to be in prayer for God to show you who your community is supposed to be. God wants so much more of our lives, so much more openness between brothers and sisters. He wants us to experience Him in the way He intended: that is with Passion. Let's let God wipe our slates clean, start over in honesty and be warriors for Christ.
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