Identity Recovery: The Wound

In life you are allowed many freedoms and many choices.  You can choose where to go to college, who to marry, what friends you have.  With many things in life you have the ability to change your circumstance.  The one most important choice you have no control over is who your parents are.  As we know, there are broad examples of parenting which have the largest impact on your life.  This can be a determinate of your success.


When a boy grows up the first few years they are especially attached to their mother.  Being a father of three boys this example is lived out on a daily basis.  My oldest son, Ryland being four years old, is starting to learn what it means to be a man and to separate himself as an individual.  His brothers, on the other hand, being 2 and 1 still covet their mom as the center of their universe.  But there does come a time in every boys life where they detach from their mom and start the journey towards manhood.

The role of being a father is an incredible responsibility.  Scary at many times, and rewarding at others.  It can be intimidating to think that one bad move or sentence can destroy your son.  This is the introduction to The Wound.


Much of my childhood I cannot remember.  My parents when through a terrible divorce when I was 10 years old and I believe that is what made me suppress my memory.  However, there are things about my dad I can distinctly remember.  Those few bad choices he made could have had an enormous impact on my life.  Luckily, the good far outweighed the bad when it came to him as a father.  But how many of us men still do not believe we are men because of the choices our fathers have made?  How many examples of hurt can you think of that you still carry around with you on a daily basis?  Is it one handful, two, or too many to count?


As a child, was your brother the athletic one in the family and you more into the arts and sciences?  How did that impact the relationship you had with your father?  Now in your 20's and 30's are you trying to overcompensate in manliness by being obsessed with football or drinking?  Or did you come to the conclusion that you will never be a man, never be a leader, that you will never find strength?


Unraveling the damage your father might have done in past is a crucial step to you finding your strength.  It might take years, but the outcome of that excavation is a critical step towards you being a successful father.  One important thing to remember is that your value is not determined by the definition of your father.  We all have choices of who we want to be and what kind of legacy we want to leave our family.  You have the choice for the wound to jump to the next generation or to seek healing from something you could not control.  What will be your choice?