Although much of my life was lived with the attempt to choose the right choices, along the way I've taken ownership of times I have failed. In specific there was a time where many of my choices ended up being terrible ones that not only affected myself but dramatically hurt others.
This time of my life is when I first got a taste of independence, a sip of freedom. At 17, I moved out of my parent's house and moved in with a friend's family. I could not take the constant oppression I was feeling by being controlled by my parents. It was time to start a new life, and take ownership of my future. The idea I had in my head was one of conquering this world. Of showing everyone that I was bright, mature, strong, and able to slay dragons. This was the time of my life where I started thinking about the boss, ME.
Transitioning out of high school and into college can be a huge adjustment. For me it meant finding a job, scheduling my classes, paying bills, working my butt off, and maybe a couple hours of sleep. For the first time I was making choices completely on my own. Finally I got to do what I wanted to do. This is when I started my short journey of being an A-hole.
Having a constant focus on my goals, desires and dreams led me to a slippery slope, inching closer to the edge of cliff, where lying below lay the bones of people that would try to get in my way. I felt every right to believe, speak, and act the way I felt was right towards becoming a man. I lost focus of the importance of having a mentor help guide my route towards success. I was the captain of my ship, in fact, the only one on the boat raising the sails and steering the ship. As most know this is a task that is near impossible. Along the way I lost sight of the importance of a crew and the skill of a knowledgeable captain.
As I navigated the new and rough waters of adulthood I ran over people in the quick pursuit of success. Instead of fixing the problems I had in relationships with women, I would jump from girl to girl, thinking I was in control of what I was doing. Being honest with myself, I knew I was more confused than ever. But how could I honestly show that to anyone? Instead of slowing down I continued on my destructive path hurting women and myself.
This is easily a habit a man can get into. Being concerned about your own desires, your own happiness has an impact that might not been seen for years. Putting myself first almost cost me my future wife. Because of my immaturity and my keen sense of being an A-hole, I broke up with Stephanie numerous times. With each break up being worse and more destructive.
It was only until I took a look at the misplaced priorities in my life that I realized becoming a man was very far beyond my reach. Being a real man isn't about how much you earn, what toys you own, what car you drive, or what you wife/girlfriend looks like. Being a real man is about throwing off the A-hole and putting other people's priorities before yourself. This is what life takes, this is what being a father takes. How are you going to be a good husband when all you think about is yourself? What impact are you having on your children when all you want to do is hang out with the "boys"? It's time to grow up and start thinking about others for a change. Calling yourself a real man takes discipline and sacrifice. It takes a life committed towards selflessness not selfishness.
What are things in your life that you put before your family, friends and God? Is it worth it? And are those things making you more of a man or are you just pretending to be one? It's time to show women what a real man looks like.
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