Whether it be with business or personal issues, it seems failure is an issue we all have in common. Growing up I knew kids who's parents would try their best to shield their child from failure. That would show itself by not letting the kid participate in activities, or making them become over competitive to ensure success. No matter how you were raised, at some point you have had to face this issue.
High school is where I really started to define what failure meant. Since I did not have a good home life and always felt like a failure there, I would escape into things I knew I could succeed in. I participated in sports year around and was captain of my teams, I was vice president of many on school clubs. My grades were good, when i was never really pushed to get good grades. I was internally always trying to win my moms approval because I was afraid to be found a failure in her eyes.
I gave myself a false sense of what failure really meant. I was running a sprint in life to avoid failure when life is really a marathon. It was only when I started my career that I saw the benefits of failure. Through mentorship and books I came to see the positive side of failure. I mean...anytime you think about failure, isn't your first thought negative? It's only by failure that we can correct our pattern and become better people. In my career, this translated into a better salesmen.
I worked in banking for six years where it is very much a sales atmosphere. Typically, there were failure ratios you would go by. Anyone in a sales position is very familiar with this. If you talk to ten people, two people would buy your product. That number changes obviously depending what market you are in. But the fact is that failure helps shape your success.
At the Sandals Church marriage getaway, I discovered a huge fear of failure. One of our members and his wife shared about their struggles in their marriage. His fear was failure of not providing for his family. What husband and dad does not have that fear? But it got to the point where he hid very critical things from his wife. He had a fear that she would leave him because of his failures. That lesson hit my soul very deep.
As a kid after my parents got divorced, I moved around a lot. In 5th grade I went to 5 different schools. I was constantly afraid of being abandoned. How this translated in my marriage was, I feared that if I always told my wife the truth, she would leave me. She would finally see my failures. After discussing this with my wife and knowing that she is committed to me, I could finally live in the truth with her.
Recently, three friends and I have started a men's group that has been incredibly life changing. It is part accountability, part let's go to war together. Our objective is to reach men and show them the benefits of 1. Being real about life, and 2. Showing them how to be leaders. For the last 8 months we have shared our fears and failures and have discovered our lessons. We had faced the fear of failure by being vulnerable and knowing we are still loved. Now we are opening up the group and sharing with more men. There are moments when we are reluctant to bring men in because we have feared failure.
If we let the fear of failure dictate us being able to help encourage men, then we would have wasted the last eight months. Anything that is of great worth, runs the risk of failure. In the bible it talks about iron sharpening iron. Well, what do you need for that to happen? Friction. Friction = chance at failure. But this makes the rewards of success that much greater. How many things have you avoided because you have feared failure? When is the last time you have been completely honest with your wife? When is the last time you have taken a huge leap of faith? Failure is going to happen all throughout life. Gaining the wisdom through those failures, helps you know how to avoid it in the future.
High school is where I really started to define what failure meant. Since I did not have a good home life and always felt like a failure there, I would escape into things I knew I could succeed in. I participated in sports year around and was captain of my teams, I was vice president of many on school clubs. My grades were good, when i was never really pushed to get good grades. I was internally always trying to win my moms approval because I was afraid to be found a failure in her eyes.
I gave myself a false sense of what failure really meant. I was running a sprint in life to avoid failure when life is really a marathon. It was only when I started my career that I saw the benefits of failure. Through mentorship and books I came to see the positive side of failure. I mean...anytime you think about failure, isn't your first thought negative? It's only by failure that we can correct our pattern and become better people. In my career, this translated into a better salesmen.
I worked in banking for six years where it is very much a sales atmosphere. Typically, there were failure ratios you would go by. Anyone in a sales position is very familiar with this. If you talk to ten people, two people would buy your product. That number changes obviously depending what market you are in. But the fact is that failure helps shape your success.
At the Sandals Church marriage getaway, I discovered a huge fear of failure. One of our members and his wife shared about their struggles in their marriage. His fear was failure of not providing for his family. What husband and dad does not have that fear? But it got to the point where he hid very critical things from his wife. He had a fear that she would leave him because of his failures. That lesson hit my soul very deep.
As a kid after my parents got divorced, I moved around a lot. In 5th grade I went to 5 different schools. I was constantly afraid of being abandoned. How this translated in my marriage was, I feared that if I always told my wife the truth, she would leave me. She would finally see my failures. After discussing this with my wife and knowing that she is committed to me, I could finally live in the truth with her.
Recently, three friends and I have started a men's group that has been incredibly life changing. It is part accountability, part let's go to war together. Our objective is to reach men and show them the benefits of 1. Being real about life, and 2. Showing them how to be leaders. For the last 8 months we have shared our fears and failures and have discovered our lessons. We had faced the fear of failure by being vulnerable and knowing we are still loved. Now we are opening up the group and sharing with more men. There are moments when we are reluctant to bring men in because we have feared failure.
If we let the fear of failure dictate us being able to help encourage men, then we would have wasted the last eight months. Anything that is of great worth, runs the risk of failure. In the bible it talks about iron sharpening iron. Well, what do you need for that to happen? Friction. Friction = chance at failure. But this makes the rewards of success that much greater. How many things have you avoided because you have feared failure? When is the last time you have been completely honest with your wife? When is the last time you have taken a huge leap of faith? Failure is going to happen all throughout life. Gaining the wisdom through those failures, helps you know how to avoid it in the future.
Friction = chance at failure. I'd add that friction also requires conflict, tension, abrasion. And without those elements, we cannot be refined.
ReplyDeleteAs men, we're biologically and spiritually designed to "do hard things" - our shoulders are stronger and our hearts have gearing that calls for heavy lifting - but, the world makes it easy to avoid the hard decision, easy to avoid strength, easy to avoid... friction. So, what we end up with is a pool of dull men, unshaped and ultimately unsharpened because we've avoided the friction we've been designed for.