Two years ago if you would have come to me and told me you have constructive criticism for me, the first thought in my head would be to grab my shield and sword and get ready for an epic battle.
My wife was the best at this. Since marriage is tough and something you constantly have to work through, she would be the one to approach me with a relational update. It was predictable. Usually we would be sitting down for dinner talking and all of a sudden she gets quiet. After a couple years I picked up on these ques knowing that the floodgates were about to burst open. Credit to her, she never used the words "constructive criticism," but that was what she was trying to do. She was trying to change me! Or so I thought.
Through some of the most important years of my life I didn't hear many positive remarks. Actually, most of what I heard was criticism. Love was not spoken on a regular basis. The thought of someone telling me how I should act or the choices I should make infuriated me beyond belief. Now I would not blow up on them. I would act respectful, but deep inside I wanted to do the exact opposite of what I was being told.
One thing I have learned is that you cannot live you life this way. More importantly what I learned, was what was the trigger that set me off. I have found that the people I know that love me and have proven it, I can open up to their critique. Too often, it's people that are just looking out for themselves that are the ones to open their mouth. It's your boss, it's the creditors, it's your mother-in-law, or the complete stranger. When you haven't developed the understanding of the benefits of criticism, it's understandable to not know how to react.
Because I know my wife loves me with everything that she is, I know it is safe to drop the sword and lower the shield. Not only is she trying to communicate in a way that can better our marriage, she is also trying to help me become a better man.
This morning I had a conversation with one of my best friends Mike. I had sent out an email to some friends and after reviewing what I sent with Mike, he explained to me that some choice words could have been worded better. The old me would have shut down, ignored his comment and tried to make the conversation end quickly. But knowing the love he has for me, and knowing we are both trying to be better men, I have learned to greatly appreciate those critiques.
The moral of the story is to not be someone that is critiquing people that you don't know, don't care about, and don't love. Chances are your advice will not be taken seriously. If you are genuine in your care about a subject with someone, do yourself and them a favor, by making sure they know you love them. Also don't be the person that never allows correction in your life. We as humans have such little wisdom on life. Being open to learning from others along the way is like adding money to your bank account.
My wife was the best at this. Since marriage is tough and something you constantly have to work through, she would be the one to approach me with a relational update. It was predictable. Usually we would be sitting down for dinner talking and all of a sudden she gets quiet. After a couple years I picked up on these ques knowing that the floodgates were about to burst open. Credit to her, she never used the words "constructive criticism," but that was what she was trying to do. She was trying to change me! Or so I thought.
Through some of the most important years of my life I didn't hear many positive remarks. Actually, most of what I heard was criticism. Love was not spoken on a regular basis. The thought of someone telling me how I should act or the choices I should make infuriated me beyond belief. Now I would not blow up on them. I would act respectful, but deep inside I wanted to do the exact opposite of what I was being told.
One thing I have learned is that you cannot live you life this way. More importantly what I learned, was what was the trigger that set me off. I have found that the people I know that love me and have proven it, I can open up to their critique. Too often, it's people that are just looking out for themselves that are the ones to open their mouth. It's your boss, it's the creditors, it's your mother-in-law, or the complete stranger. When you haven't developed the understanding of the benefits of criticism, it's understandable to not know how to react.
Because I know my wife loves me with everything that she is, I know it is safe to drop the sword and lower the shield. Not only is she trying to communicate in a way that can better our marriage, she is also trying to help me become a better man.
This morning I had a conversation with one of my best friends Mike. I had sent out an email to some friends and after reviewing what I sent with Mike, he explained to me that some choice words could have been worded better. The old me would have shut down, ignored his comment and tried to make the conversation end quickly. But knowing the love he has for me, and knowing we are both trying to be better men, I have learned to greatly appreciate those critiques.
The moral of the story is to not be someone that is critiquing people that you don't know, don't care about, and don't love. Chances are your advice will not be taken seriously. If you are genuine in your care about a subject with someone, do yourself and them a favor, by making sure they know you love them. Also don't be the person that never allows correction in your life. We as humans have such little wisdom on life. Being open to learning from others along the way is like adding money to your bank account.
Word brother. What can I say to that? This post is crucial and I hope your readers are thinking about it! Keep stirring hearts Peter!
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